Mark David Richards
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What Is DCWatch?
|It's payback time for Washingtonians. For years,
our out-of-town friends have taunted us about our city's government, and about
Washingtonian's incredible tolerance for our city's corrupt politicians. Now, at last, we
can respond. Now we can taunt our friends in Indianapolis and Mineola about their
incredible tolerance for corruption. Marion Barry is retiring from public life, or at
least hes taking a vacation from elected office, and the United States is led by
We in Washington aren't unusually immoral instead, we have just
been the leading edge of a national movement. In Washington, the more scandals that erupt
around Marion Barry, the more secure his hold on the mayor's office. And throughout the
country, the more scandals Bill Clinton is involved in, the more popular he becomes, and
the higher his poll ratings go.
This isn't a coincidence. It's obvious that Bill Clinton's supporters have been
studying, and are now copying, the tactics that Marion Barry's supporters have perfected
over the years. Obviously, these tactics work, and not just with Washingtonians, but with
all Americans. Here are just a few of the parallel arguments that Bill Clintons
supporters are using:
- Public officials arent supposed to be role models. All of that stuff about
looking up to the leaders of our nation, or of our city, is just naiveté. Role
models are passé.
- Morality isnt important, and sexual morality is just a joke, anyway. The
only thing thats important about a politician is whether his policies favor us or
not, and whether the good times are rolling in the economy. Morality is nothing but
hypocrisy, and only busybodies and bluenoses care about it. Sophisticated people
dont take sexual morality seriously.
- Honesty is a stupid policy. Youre shocked if the man lies? Are you a child?
Theres nothing wrong with lying. Everybody lies. George Washington lied when he
said, I cannot tell a lie, and Jimmy Carter lied when he said, I won't
lie to you. Nobody with any sense believes anything politicians say. Lying is
part of the job. You cant hold that against them.
- Everybody does it. The mans no worse than anybody else. Nobodys
faithful. All husbands sleep around and commit adultery. So what? All politicians cheat
when they raise money, and do favors for campaign contributors. You have a problem with
- Its all a conspiracy. Whether the motive is a vast right-wing
conspiracy to attack liberal Democrats or the Plan by whites to get rid
of black politicians, its obvious that the only reason people criticize our leader
is that theyre political enemies. There is no valid criticism, and criticizing
discredits only the critics.
- Damn the press. I dont care what the facts are, its wrong
to report them, and nobody wants to hear them, anyway. Those snoops should just keep their
noses out of other peoples business.
- Theres nothing wrong with commiting crimes, only with prosecuting them.
Prosecutors like Ken Starr and Jay Stevens and Joseph DiGenova are low-lifes who go around
messing in stuff that doesnt concern them, and doing dirty stuff like interrogating
people, and taping them, and gathering evidence. Prosecutors just shouldn't be allowed to
do underhanded things like that.
- The bitch set him up. Look at those trashy womens hairstyles. Who would
believe what a woman says, anyway? You know you cant trust women.
The lesson is obvious. For years weve been misreading what the Watergate
experience should have taught us. We thought that Watergate taught that the American
people want an honest, clean government, and that political cover-ups dont work and
are even worse that the original crimes. Weve been wrong. Instead, Barry and Clinton
teach us the opposite is true. What Americans appreciate is open corruption, and defiance
in the face of exposure.
Richard Nixon should not have said, I am not a crook. Instead, he should
have had Erlichman and Haldeman say, FDR was crooked, and JFK was a scumbag. Adlai
Stevenson wore ladies underpants, and Abraham Lincoln was dirty, too. So whats the
problem with a little second-rate break-in? Its all part of the game, and everybody
does it. Nixon would have served out his second term with high poll ratings, and
Americans would have applauded his successor, Spiro Agnew, when he appointed Nixon to the