How to Spend a Billion
Dear Neighbors:
The quality of entries continues to be high in our no-prize contest for a
motto for the District. Keep them coming. We also address some serious issues in this
edition, including how to explain this year's budget surplus. A. Keck asks for advice
about living in DC. I've lived here for thirty years, and I could still use help. If you
have good advice, send it to themail and share it with all of us.
Now, everyone wants to know, was it Dorothy Parker, or was it Brendan
Gill? Glenn Marcus (gmarcus@pbs.org ) says that Gore
Vidal is often credited as the source for “No good deed goes unpunished.” At
this rate, I'll soon claim that I came up with it myself.
Gary Imhoff
themail@dcwatch.com
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What the city needs more than a new convention
center
Nick Keenan, nbk@gsionline.com
We keep hearing that the reason for the appalling level of city services
is lack of funds — yet the city is poised to spend a billion dollars on a money
losing convention center. Here is my list of things that a billion dollars will buy that
we REALLY need:
With a billion dollars, you could: * Fill one million potholes at $1,000
each. * Buy each one of the 40,000 DC Government employees a computer at $2,500 each
— Ten Times! * Buy 200 million boxes of rat poison at $5 each. * Pay $100,000 for
four years at the Ivy League institution of their choice for each of the 5,000 high school
seniors in DC, another $90,000 for three years of law school or business school, and still
have $10,000 left over for books and supplies. * Provide a 10% down payment on 66,666
$150,000 homes. * Give away 6,666 $150,000 homes. * Do $40,000 worth of renovations on
25,000 shells. * Hire 10,000 police officers at $50,000 each, and buy them each a cruiser
for another $50,000. * Buy 10,000 fire trucks at $100,000 each. * Buy 40 million library
books at $25 each. * Give each of the approximately 125,000 DC taxpayers a check for
$8,000. * Buy 16,666 street sweepers at $60,000 each. * Fix 10,000 school roofs at
$100,000 each. * Buy every DC schools student a pentium computer, a modem, a year's worth
of Internet access, a gross of pens, a gross of pencils, two reams of paper, a ruler, a
compass, construction paper, glue, and scissors, and fifty books — and still have
$10,000 per student left over to hire a tutor.
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Jeff Itell wanted someone to check his facts on how much of the fiscal
year 1997 surplus was attributable to federal takeover of DC functions — none. The
takeover of functions did not occur until fiscal year 1998 — the fiscal year that
ended last week — although most of the “savings” from the federal takeover
of certain functions were used up when the federal payment was reduced at the time the
functions were taken over. Anthony Williams has always attributed a portion of the fiscal
year 1997 surplus to the economy, a portion to better tax collection, a portion to better
administration of Medicaid (which Paul Offner and crew have apparently done again this
year) and a portion to a sale-leaseback agreement that was put in place early in the
fiscal year by former city administrator Michael Rogers to provide some cash relief to a
cash strapped city.
[For a gloomy look at how real and lasting the surplus is, check out Carol
O’Cleireacain’s latest policy brief for the Brookings Institution — follow
the link from the http://www.dcwatch.com ]
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Senior Citizen Services
Sharon Cochran, secochran@aol.com
I was quite dismayed to see a DC Department of Recreation and Park bus
parked in a fire lane and a DCHA tan construction truck at Penn Station shopping center in
Suitland, Md today during business hours. When I called the DC Housing Authority
Receiver’s office, I couldn’t even leave a message because the mailbox was full.
So I called the Inspector General’s office.
When I called the office of Dr. Gaines (Dept of Recreation and Parks) to
asked why an official DC vehicle was being used outside the city, I was told it was being
used to take senior citizens shopping. Benjamin McCottry said that it was common to take
seniors on shopping trips outside the city and within the beltway. He said that that they
took the senior citizens “where ever they wanted to go.” They liked to go
outside the city to save money and get a better selection of goods. I did tell him that I
had seen the bus there before at a Safeway and that a new Safeway is located within the
District less than three miles away. Maybe I'm missing something here but it does not make
sense to me to spend DC tax dollars on a bus that gets 16 gallons to the mile and a driver
to pay sales tax to the state of Maryland to save a senior citizen a dollar. This is a
very expensive taxi and I don't think that this shopping center has anything that can not
be found in the district. We do not need our city government to help us close even more
stores within the city. I hope the new Mayor will review this policy.
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Gargantuan Gildenhorn
E. James Lieberman, M.D., 202 362-3963, ejl@gwu.edu
I haven’t checked it today, but last I looked the gargantuan poster
of J. Gildenhorn still affronted me as I looked north from Morrison and Connecticut NW.
When if first went up I asked J.G. if he had a permit, and he said he did (I forgot to ask
from what city department). Then I heard that the ANC voted to have an inspector see if it
was a legal sign. That was a long time ago. Anyone have a follow up?
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Got my new recycling receptacle last night (10/5). They are brown and a
bit larger than their green predecessors. Looks like recycling will in fact be back on
10/19 as Ms. Barnett said. Hurray!
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Any advice out there?
A. Keck, akeck@aaas.org
Hello all. I'm contemplating becoming a home buyer in DC and am now in the
search for advice. I already believe I've found the house. It's behind the Third District
Police Station Near U, Florida, 17th & 18 Sts. If anyone has any good guides,
wonderful lawyers they've worked with, general advice, or knows much about this area of
town — I’d so greatly appreciate it.
Also, does anyone know if any other regional DC e-mail lists like the one
for Mt. Pleasant exist? Thanks!
[It’s a good idea to find out about neighborhood (PSA, ANC, etc.)
E-mail lists. There should be a directory of them. Most of them have had short lives, but
let’s start a list. Send me the ones you know about, and in a couple weeks I'll
publish a list of all the list addresses I've received.]
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“The computer is down.”
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*With* credit to Matt Groenig, let's steal Homer Simpson's campaign
slogan:
“Can't Someone Else Do It?”
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How about “District of Columbia — Murphy’s Law At Work For
YOU!”
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Am I too late to suggest “District of Colombia”?
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Motto for D.C.
Ed T. Barron, edtb@aol.com
In my somewhat exhausted state when I returned from New England last
Saturday I assumed, incorrectly as it turns out, that the motto was for the D.C. Watch,
our esteemed forum. Thus, I did a take off on the Post motto and it came out “if you
get it you got it.” Now that I have awakened and see that we need a motto for the
District my choice is:
“What's a nice person like you doing in a place like this”
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DC Mottos
Jeffrey Sacks, The Witzelsucht Memorandum, cakewalk@nicom.com
A pox on some of your readers and their smarmy, smug, played out,
down-on-DC slogans. Here's two that have long been our favorites:
“D.C. — There's Trees, All Right” and,
“D.C. — City Without Skyscrapers”
ps: As explained in Wit Memo 25, we wrote in Mayor Barry in the Democratic
primary, and we’ll be doing the same in the general election. There’s really no
other choice.
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Suggested Mottos for D.C.
Janet Cave, Janetcave@aol.com
Inspired by the Washington Post’s story about DC footing the
bill for any person delivered to the doors of St. Elizabeth’s by federal authorities.
My question: If their TVs could tell them to come to our city to “cohabitate”
with Bill Clinton, perhaps the public address system at St. E’s could send them
subliminal messages to return home?
Motto suggestions:
“Send us your paranoids, your schizophrenics, your huddled bi-polars
— we’ll house them at no expense to you!”
...or perhaps:
“Home of the homeless, land of the free ride for the out-of-state
insane.”
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My entry is not tongue-in-cheek. It’s still a great city. Even
...“With all it’s sham, drudgery and broken dreams”
“Worthy of a Nation”
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CLASSIFIEDS — HELP WANTED
Bilingual Legal Assistants and Receptionist Wanted
Jon Katz, Marks & Katz, LLC katz@erols.com
Silver Spring law firm focusing on personal injury, criminal defense, and
immigration seeks legal assistants who are bilingual in Spanish and English. Seeking
claims specialist, paralegal, and receptionist. Please fax your resume and cover letter in
confidence to Jon Katz, Fax (301) 495-8815; Phone: (301) 495-8815.
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CLASSIFIEDS — EVENTS
Join us on October 17, 1998 for the John Eaton Elementary School Block
Party. There will be lots games and fun events for children 12 and under. We will have
sand bears, moon bounce, putt-putt golf, spin art, face-painting, and so much more. For
the hungry, we have the best home-made food around at a very reasonable price. It is a day
full of fun, a great opportunity to meet and greet neighbors, and generally have a good
time. (The block party begins at 11:00 a.m. John Eaton is located at the corner of 34th
and Lowell Streets, NW.)
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Jewish Singles Party Sunday Oct. 11, 1998
Michael Goldstein, syjp@aol.com
Meet 100’s of Jewish Singles. The Society of Young Jewish
Professionals — sponsors of the MATZO BALL at LuLu’s on XMas Eve — presents
the Kibbitz ‘n Bitz at Tel-Aviv Cafe, located at 4867 Cordell Ave, Bethesda, MD.
Doors open at 8 pm. For directions call 301-718-9068. The party will feature music,
dancing, hors d’oeuvres, door prizes, outdoor seating, valet parking, and 100’s
of Jewish Singles. $10 before 10 pm — Get There Early! — and $15 after 10 pm.
Any questions or comments contact us at syjp@aol.com
or call us at 202-452-5541. Mark your calendar: Wed Nov 25 (Thanksgiving Eve), Turkey Trot
at LuLu’s, Thur Dec 24 (XMas Eve), Matzo Ball at LuLu’s. Please visit our web
page at http://members.aol.com/syjp
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